Pie America X Reader
by ForMyLove-LoveIsLove
Summary: A love story better than Twilight. And crack. Lots and lots of crack. Also on my DeviantART. Warnings inside. Crack Oneshot.


**Kori: **The reason for this was because I drew pie!America on iScribble XD  
The reviews are from a random conversation that two friends of mine had and one of them told me to put it in (Those two being Hado and Turtle)

This is also on my DeviantART account under KoriStoryteller

**Warning: crack, language, filling exchange, filling, cannabalism (SP?), sexiness, more crack, Pie!France, and some other things I may or may not be forgetting**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or you... The last time I checked. If I did, you and Hetalia would be stuck inside my closet for the rest of your existance because I forgot that were in there**

**Reviews**

_Reading Turtle claims "A must-read crack fic"_

_Baka Rangers praise "A romance better than Twilight!"_

_Taking Over the World says "You won't stop laughing!"_

Pie!America (Ameripie) X Reader

So, like, you was, like, hungry and stuff, ya know. So you decided to go to the kitchen cuz, like, that's were you eat, know what I mean? Cuz there's, like, totally no way you're gonna spend 50 at a restaurant!

Anyways, so when you get there, there's like this pie and stuff that was freshly baked. You definately didn't bake this pie cuz you would definately remember making a random (and creepy) smiling pie with a cowlick and, like, glasses! I mean, who bakes a pie like that? Is the cowlick and glasses, like, even edible? That's, like, what you're probably thinkin' right now but you're not thinking those thoughts right now cuz you, like, totally can!

"Hey~!"

So like, the pie is now talking you. To-otally not creepy!

Anyways, you like, have a conversation with this totally adorable (but kinda creepy) pie, which you decided to, like, call Ameripie cuz he's like a (creepy) cutie pie, ya know.

Since you're like, totally not freaking out about a talkin' American pie cuz it's like definately the normal-est thing EVAR, ya totally fall in love with the pie!

You like, totally don't care that you're falling in love with a pie!

And you like, forget that you're hungry just to talk to him all day.

How do you even, like, forget something as big as that?

That's, like, totally bad for your perfect body and all!

Starving yourself is like, so ten years ago!

Anyways, so you're like all talking about yourself when suddenly Ameripie's all like, "I, like, love you and stuff"

And you like, blushing mad and stuff and like, you seriously need to say you love him too.

...

Like, you're supposed to tell him you like, love him too!

Anyways, when you're finally able to, like, speak, you're all, "I, like, love you too, Ameripie!"

And, like, you both begin to lick each other and like, have sexy make-out time!

You can like, totally taste his American flavor and he can, like, taste your human flavor.

You pull away cuz you like, seriously need to breathe.

So you're like staring into his giant American flavored blue eyes with this extremely worried look on your face.

And Ameripie's like, "What's wrong?"

And you're like, "Is our love wrong cuz you're like, a pie and stuff"

So you're totally worried that you both will like, be treated seriously harsh by other jerkwads that totally can't understand your undying love for each other.

So he like, hugs you and is all whispering these breathe-taking comforting things into your ears. And like, you're totally not questioning how he's hugging you when he like, has no arms and stuff.

He pulls away and is like, "I like, love you so much"

He's like totally on his knee right now and is like, "Will you like, totally marry me?"

And like, despite him moving really fast with this relationship, you totally say yes with this big smile on you face and you're like, seriously about to cry right now.

Anyways, you totally forget about the jerkwads cuz your cutie pie will obviously like, come and save the day like the delicious hero he totally is.

So you both are like, already planning your wedding and stuff cuz you don't need dates to know that you're both definately made for each other! Like, he's totally your true love kinda like in fairy tails and disney movies! You. Like. Seriously. Just. Know!

So like, your perfect wedding is tomorrow and you're like totally ready for it. You said goodbye to Ameripie and like, had one more sexy make-out before you went upstairs to get your much needed beauty sleep but you like, seriously can't cuz you totally excited for the big day.

Since talking about you sleeping is like, totally unimportant right now, you like, wake up in the morning and get ready for your perfect wedding. You totally ran down the stairs like you were runnin down a hill and stuff.

You like, go in the kitchen to hug your cutie pie but then he's like, not there!

You don't worry cuz he's like, still getting ready or maybe being a shy cutie pie.

Anyways, the whole day goes by and like, your pie just stood you up!

You're like, totally pissed off! You just wanna call your girlfriends and like, cry to them about your broken heart.

But before you can like, even get your phone, this totally sexy sexy British blond with abnormally HUGE eyebrows and a sexy sexy scary faced blond German both dressed in sexy sexy police outfits like, come up to you out of nowhere.

And like, the sexy sexy German's all like, "We're gonna like, ignore the fact we totally broke into your house but we must like, do our job and tell you like, you're fiance totally could not make it to the wedding cuz he was like, seriously filled and eaten last night when you were dreaming about your perfect wedding"

So you're all sad and stuff now cuz your pie of hero awesomeness is like, dead and no longer a virgin but like, mostly because of the eaten part.

And the sexy sexy British cop is all like "We're like, totally gonna catch this sick bastard and totally send his ass to jail!"

They like, left and you were like, walking and stuff around your kitchen when suddenly this adorable (yet creepy) pie came along.

He like, seriously looked like a relative of the British cop dude cuz of the HUGE eyebrows! Like, seriously, they need to trims those things or something!

Anyways, so the Englandpie is all like, "Mwahahaha! I am like, totally evil and filled your Ameripie and like, totally ate him like the cannibal I am!"

And you're like, "Oh no, you didn't, girl! You don't my go touchin' my pie! Mmhmm!"

And he's like, "Too bad cuz you like, can't fill the willing!"

And you're like, "How dare you like, lay your filthy, nonexistant pie hands on my pie then like, eat my pie then like, go spreading lies about him being willing!"

Then like, totally out of nowhere, this French flavored pie like, seriously went flyin' to the English tastin' pie. Like seriously, he was flyin' like they were both like, magnets or something!

Anyways, so they like, totally having some sexy sexy filling time in front of you. But then you're like, "Isn't this like, rape or something?"

Then you like, totally asked yourself like the fabulous person you are, "Like, shouldn't I stop this or something?"

Then like, all ova sudden there was this like, sexy sexy American who like, seriously saved the Englandpie's ass and like, tried to run away with it but like, the Francepie like, was all trying to fill the sexy sexy American. But like, he totally couldn't like, reach cuz he was like, duh! A pie!

So the Francepie was like, trying to bite the sexy sexy American's ass. And like, once the sexy sexy American got his ass bitten, the sexy sexy American was like, "Totally not cool, girlfriend!"

So he like, tried to eat the Francepie.

Then like, the sexy sexy British cop totally like, sexilly broke into your house and like, tackle the sexy sexy American to the ground and started to have sexy sexy filling exchange in front of you. Like, why were you even watching? And like, why aren't you like, I don't know, doing something about this?

Like, you're just watchin' and doin' nothing cuz you like, so totally can!

Anyways, while the sexy filling exchange was takin' place, the sexy sexy German cop like, put the Englandpie into an Easy-Bake oven and like, dragged the sexy sexy British cop and the sexy sexy American out of your house.

Now you're like, all bored now and seriously have nothing to do.

Then like, all ova sudden, Ameripie appears out of like, thin air or something.

And you're like all surprised and stuff.

While you're like, totally not questioning that happened in the past like, ten minutes or something, you're like, seriously askin' him, "Like, oh my gawd! Where have you been? Like, how are you even alive and like, you still even a virgin?"

And Ameripie was all like, "Like totally! I'm like, still totally a virgin and I'm like sooooo totally alive!"

And you're all like, "Like, how are you alive cuz that evil jerkwad Englandpie said he like, totally ate you and stuff!"

And Ameripie was like, "Like, oh my gawd! That stupidface Englandpie totally like, filled and ate my bro Canadapie! Then he like, totally thought it was like, me or something! What. A. Jerkface!"

And you're like, "I hear ya, girlfriend!"

Then you both like, went on talking about how evil and unfashionable that Englandpie was. Like seriously! Scowling was soooo last century!

Anyways, so you were like, "Since you were like, totally not eaten and stuff, where have you like, been?"

And Ameripie was like, passionately staring into your like, human eyes and was like, "I was like, trying to like, serve him justice cuz I like, knew he was gonna hurt you, like, emotionally and stuff"

And you were like, "O.M.G! I have like, the best fiance EVAR!"

And you both like, had sexy make-out time then like, had your perfect wedding.

And you like, took you Ameripie up to you room and like, had some seriously sexy filling exchange. And you're like, totally not questioning how that was possible!

Then when morning came, you were like hungry and stuff and so was like, Ameripie!

So you both like, totally ate each other and totally not questioning how this is like, even possible!

Like, the end!

What? That can't be the end, the awesome me wasn't even it!

Prussia? Like, rude much?

Give me the fucking Narrator Stick!

Like, no way!

Poland, get over here!

**BONUS ADDITION**

You, Italy, and Germany stare as Prussia chased the sparkling pink pajama'd Poland around the room. Poland kept waving around Herr Stick, which was currently donning a paper crown, in the air, "accidently" smacking the albino in the face several times.

Germany put his face in his hands and groaned, "I... What did I just hear?"

Italy, who was sitting in Germany's lap, stared up at the blond in confusion, "Doitsu, are you alright?"

"I... I don't know..."

Prussia tried to tackle Poland but the feminine blond moved out of the way at the last second, causing the ex-nation to crash into the closet.

You blinked a few times out of shock, "H-How is this even-? Why am I-?"

You were ignored as Germany covered Italy's ears from Prussia's yelling and cursing. Poland was now skipping around the room, throwing glitter everywhere.

You give a heavy sigh and mumble, "I just wanted a glass of water"

**BONUS ADDITION 2**

You jolt upright in cold sweat and wide eyes.

You release the strong hold you have on your blankets and sigh in relief.

"Thank God! It was just a dream!"

"What was just a dream, babe?"

You tense up and slowly turn your head to stare at your bedmate.

Ameripie stared at you with an adorable worried face.

You slowly turn your head away and your breathing quickens to the point of almost hyperventilation before...

"OH FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU-!"

You wake up in cold sweat.

Before anything else could happen you yell, "I'M GOING THE FOK BACK TO SLEEP AND WHEN I WAKE UP THERE BETTER NOT BE ANYTHING OR ANYONE IN MY BED AND I DEFINATELY BETTER NOT BE MARRIED OR I'LL KILL THE FIRST 30 PEOPLE I SEE!"

And with that, you go the fok back to sleep.

**Kori: **I apologize if the Poland speaking get annoying after a while D:  
Oh and the FFFUUU had to be shortened here or else it disappears D:


End file.
